thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
