he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
