There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
