Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
