dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
