I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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