you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
