Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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