You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
