If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
