$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
