Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
