i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
