From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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