I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
