Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
