Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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