Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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