and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
