Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
