i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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