I need to stop coming to work sober
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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