My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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