You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
