and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
