remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
