It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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