the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
