When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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