i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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