she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
