Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
