I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
