im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
