she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
