Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
