He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
