I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
As shirtless as possible
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
