I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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