Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
