I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
