I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
