I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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