I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
