I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
