Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
