I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
