Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have fence marks all over my body
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize