We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
