Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do vagina's smell?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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