If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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