i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
