Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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