it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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